“South and North”

‘Why are you so cold? Is it because your role? Or is it the real you?’

I don’t know

‘Why you never called me with my name? Even though, I already called yours?’

I don’t know

‘You know what I hate the most. Why are you always getting on my nerves?’

I don’t know

‘You know what I can’t stand the most. Why are you so sensitive to every little thing?’

I don’t know

 

‘Why are you so mean to me?’

I don’t know

‘Why are you so rude to me?’

I don’t know

‘Why is your message always been so short?’

I don’t know

‘Why is your message always been so long?’

I don’t know

 

‘You don’t have any feelings at all.’

I don’t know

‘You don’t have any logic at all.’

I don’t know

‘You never fail to make me mad’

I don’t know

‘You never fail to make me crazy’

I don’t know

 

How could I make you understand?

I don’t know what to do with you anymore!

 

‘I hate you!’

‘It’s not that I like you.’

‘You’re annoying!’

‘You’re even more annoying than me!’

 

You know what, I really hate ancient drama scenario!

However, role-playing is a different thing

What I hate the most is the way we are now

To think that we act so well as the script written for our roles want it to be

 

“Retreat”

The noises are piling up

The machine bursts from over-heating

Can’t grasp anything

Unable to process information

 

Just staring blankly into the space

Even the darkness is not enough

The shallowness is unbearable

The important words are unspeakable

 

“Keep out!”

“Don’t talk to me!”

“Just leave me alone!”

“I didn’t want to know anything!”

 

I long for the silence inside the crowds

Without thinking anything

Without feeling anything

Without doing anything

 

So, I won’t blame anyone

So, I will be able to forgive

So, I won’t regret anything

So, I will be able to face

The things set into motion

 

Can’t you forgive me?

I just want some peace for myself

You said, I’m running away from reality?

I don’t know, I don’t even understand what’s reality

 

Do you know how it feels to grasp every bit nuances?

Thinking, pondering, reflecting

Yeah, even though it’s meaningless

That’s why I said I’m no good with words

 

Even just talking with you, makes me tired

It’s not that I hate you or anything

That’s just so much to read

My head becomes dizzy

 

I love so many people

Yet, I can’t stay with them

I can easily give them up

Just to be at peace with myself

 

Such contradiction, it’s confusing, right?

I just walk at a very slow pace

That’s why I can’t keep everything

That’s why I can’t catch up to you

 

Even I feel frustrated to my own self

It’s not that I don’t want to change

Maybe I’m just afraid of changing

Since I don’t know what I am

 

I don’t know how to explain

I don’t know how to make you feel safe

I don’t know how to name my feelings

I don’t know how to recognize my surroundings

 

I didn’t want to make you worried

But, I always disappear abruptly

Hiding inside the nutshell

And, appearing the next day

As if there isn’t anything worth enough to talk about

 

Don’t show that sad face!

I’m alright, just need to fix the system a little bit!

Didn’t I tell you that it won’t be easy?

The thorny path is still lying ahead

 

I’ve warned you enough, haven’t I?

Don’t get too close to me!

You will only end up hurting

I don’t want to see you like that

 

Although I’m a little bit cruel

Putting up the lines

Holding up the barriers

Distancing myself from everything

 

You’re so persistent!

Why did you keep clinging to me?

You’re extremely annoying, you know?

But, I guess I don’t dislike it

 

Just let me go for a while, ok?

Don’t try to find where I am

Just wait for me a little bit!

Since I will come back to you again

 

Once the retreat is over

I’ll be the healthy me whom I like the most

 

~ Wime ~

” FRIENDShip OVER game”

You can buy a GAME with MONEY

You can’t buy FRIENDShip without HONESTY

 

You need to install every new patch to play game

You ONLY need to install a little bit CARING to be FRIENDS

 

In GAME you create your FAKE character

but

In FRIENDShip you show your TRUE character

 

There is a safe POINT in GAME

There is a safe ZONE in FRIENDS

 

You don’t need trust to play game

You need TRUST to make FRIENDShip

 

You PLAY game for HOURS

You BUILD FRIENDShip for YEARS

 

There is a CHEAT code in GAME

There is NO CHEAT code in FRIENDShip

 

Game last until the new version releases

FRIENDShip LAST until FOREVER remains

 

You can restart game anytime you want

but

You can NOT RESTART FRIENDShip anytime you BROKE

 

When your game get GAMEOVER,

You can START a new game

When your FRIENDS said GAMEOVER,

You can walk toward THE END

 

~ Wime ~

” Contradiction “

Contradiction

At that time, I didn’t understand anything

I didn’t know the weight of my own choice

Simply walking through the gate opened for me

Or maybe I had chosen it long ago before I have realized it myself

 

I love people, but I can’t get close to them

Their feelings I can easily grasp it

Even without reaching out my hand

It is flowing naturally like stream of water

 

I buried myself in thousands of books

All I know is something written in the story

I’m such a coward, only know how to protect myself

Living inside the solitude in the vivid imaginary world

 

I’m afraid of my own self

Who can grasp the hidden meaning behind universal thing easily

Who connect the thread of complete opposites naturally

Who feel fun to discover mysteries behind the unknown

 

I’m frightened of my own self

Who love something which I shouldn’t have deeply

Who absorb the thought of people instinctively

Who go farther away from my own goals

 

Is it a gift or a curse? I don’t know

The pathway is a dangerous one full of traps and tricks

To think it will be so hard to defend my own mind

Not to mention, to take control of it fully

 

I don’t know that it’s a real pain to fight my nature

To turn my back from the darkness is to cease the existence

To turn my head at the light is to lie the truth

The double-edged sword is heavy with responsibility

 

I just want to be like other kids

Yet I feel proud to be different

No wonder, no one can keep up with me

Not that I hope there will be the one

 

If I go back to that day will it turn out different?

But, I can’t suffer ever again

I don’t want to meet her back then

I can’t even face my own self, how annoying!

 

My time, is it still winding in the right way?

The day I choose to leave her

The day I don’t have a clue about time

I seem to forget something important

 

Why I can’t write anything about her?

Why it always ends up as a failure?

Is it because I can still see the silver cage?

Or is it because her shadow is still there?

 

Someday, when the music started to play again

When the blue sky is reflected in her eyes

When the paper is written full of words

She will hold my hand and smile at me

 

~ Wimecloud ~

” Paper Flower “

~ A tiny purple in the monochrome ~

A long time ago, so long that I didn’t remember when it was, I was a kid who had nothing better to do. My days were pretty boring, nothing unusual happened.  I simply passed the day by fooling around, hoping that today would passed quickly.

In an empty and gloomy classroom where no one presented, I was drawing characters in my notebook halfheartedly. Everyone except me was out for club activities outside the class.

What a fool! They waste their time to do such a silly thing in the hot temperature like this. What is the fun in playing comrades anyway? I don’t understand. Not like I’m interested either. I don’t plan to join it since it’s useless.

Before, there were many people who like to stay at class like me rather than joining club activities. However, as time passed, one by one started to leave. Yesterday, one of my classmates was still here, now she was one of those idiots. In this large classroom, I was the only one who was left. I looked at my drawing that looked like unorganized scribbles. Terrible!

Suddenly, I heard the sound coming from the door. I saw my homeroom teacher, he was a little surprised to see there was still a kid who stayed in the classroom.

“What are you doing here?”

“Nothing.”

“Then, why don’t you go with your friends outside?”

“I don’t interested.”

He was taken aback by my flat and blunt answer, maybe it was hard to believe that those words came from a kid, an intelligent kid like me. He sat at the teacher’s desk and took a paper on top of the desk. He began correcting documents while inspecting what I did from a far. Please, don’t stare too hard teacher! I know what you’re thinking. He seemed worried, well, it was normal for the teacher to be worried about my behavior.

***

The next day, in the afternoon after lunch break ended, I sat on my assigned desk and put out the usual notebook from my bag. The front pages of my notebook were full of study materials, questions and answers, and the perfect one hundred points that I already modified into many kinds of face images. On the other hand, the back pages of my notebook were full of scribbles all over the places, I couldn’t even guess what I was trying to draw that time.

It was very noisy outside, full of children laugh and the yell of club members. Whenever they were training, it was noisy, really noisy. It was kind of hard to focus on my drawing, fortunately this class was the most peaceful place in the time like this. Empty, silence, and void of people. Sometimes, even when I was disturbed by the annoying mix sound outside, I could still sleep here. More exactly, I could still pretend to sleep peacefully even if I heard the annoying and loud screams outside. Yeah, that was one of my specialties, pretending to sleep like an innocent angel.  Many people had already been fooled by my skill, and I could get useful information to threaten them later.  Even though I had never used it once, as long as they didn’t anger me their secrets were safe.

When I concentrated to draw in the notebook, my teacher suddenly showed up in front of me out of the blue. Ack, I didn’t realize he was standing there! Since when was it? Looks like I was too caught up on my drawing that I didn’t sense any people approaching me. Although I was surprised, my expression in normal people eyes looked like a person who knew all along and said ‘Oh…so you were there?’.

“Rather than drawing pictures like that, why don’t you try to join them outside?”

“I don’t feel like it.”

“Then, solve the questions in page twenty of the science book!”

“Ok.”

Still with the same attitude like yesterday, I answered my teacher’s questions. I began to read the questions in the book like my teacher said, and wrote the answers at the same time. It was a piece of cake for me, in no time I finished a whole bunch of questions.

“Do you need me to write it in another paper?” I asked him.

“No need.”

I could sense that he was a little bit agitated and probably thought ‘What should I do with this kid?’. Once again he asked me “Why don’t you try to play outside with your friends?” . He seemed hopeless but still maintained the caring and kind attitude a teacher should have. Should I answer like before? But, angering a teacher isn’t good. I turned silent while thinking what the best option to this situation was.

“Just try it out once!  If you don’t like it, you can come back here and I won’t disturb you again.”

“Fine.”

***

After making a deal with the teacher, I went to the training ground beside the school. I guess trying once wouldn’t hurt. After a few minutes of walking, I arrived at the red field. I could see some of my classmates were standing on the field under the scorching sun. They were drenched on sweat but they didn’t look tired at all. They looked much focused on their task that they didn’t even realize I was there. I was watching them from the sidelines.

It was beautiful, I was enchanted by them. I was observing their training in silence, what they did and how they did it. The wind breezed and the falling leaves danced in the wind. The red ground looked like the burning fire of their spirit. The purple petals of flower from the tree swirled around them as they moved their bodies in harmony.  One of the flower petals landed in my palm, it was tiny and soft. To think that I would be charmed by them the moment I laid my eyes on it. However, there was still one thing I didn’t understand. The coach called for a short break, and finally they noticed me. They were quite surprised to see me here, and grateful that I finally took an interest in club activities. I could only put a smile to answer all their questions.

“O…yeah, I remember! There’s something that I would like to ask, what are you doing before?” I raised a question to one of my classmate.

“Before? Oh…it’s the formation!” seeming to understand what I mean, she answered my question.

“Formation?”

“Yes, we lined up and did a special move together so it would create a special effect.”

“I see.”

Seeing a new face gathered around the kids, the coach looked at my direction, and asked my name. He also asked whether I wanted to try training with them kindly. After seeing their effort, I guess trying once won’t be too bad.  I accepted the coach invitation and became a part of the group. I heard from my friends that my best friend who was also my seatmate and my rival was appointed to be the captain. Just what I would expected from her, always trying to be the best in everything.

***

 The daily training program was not too hard, although I was the latest to join, I could catch up to them quickly. Somehow, my switch had been turned on since I joined this club. My laid-back personality was replaced by passionate one. I became very active, almost hyper active whenever the training started. I could learn many kind of things I never encountered before, it was interesting. In a short time, I managed to climb for the top, my position as a regular was guaranteed and I became the vice-captain.

My day that used to be boring somehow seemed a little bit colorful. Every day was different, I who used to hate the bright sky outside came to like it. I would always wait for the time to train, even though it was tiring, it was worth it. When the time for the competitions was near, the training became more intense than usual. We were assigned private coach, our seniors, to help us master the skills need in the competitions. We even skipped classes for weeks, strangely, although I missed many classes I was still the top three scorers in the school. Our hard work bore fruits, we won many competitions. Our skills also worked for other areas, we also won school competitions other than our club objective.

I would have never thought that someday I would also be one of them, the idiots who only knew how to train and the idiots whom I used to laugh at. To be those idiots was fine I guess, it was not as bad as I thought. To the contrary, everyday although it was not always happy, it was rather fun to spend my time with. I didn’t regret to try it out, I should thank the teacher who helped me to find it.

“What are you doing? Wow, it’s beautiful!” one of my friends was standing behind me, and she looked at the picture I was drawing.

“I like this picture too.” I said those words with a smile.

“Isn’t it the flower in the back of the school?”

“Yeah, I think it is very beautiful.”

The scenery from that time still lingered in my heart, I couldn’t forget it easily. Even now I was still amazed at it like the first time I saw it. I was more surprised to see that I could engrave the scenery into a picture by my hand. I changed, the day I chose to change, I brushed the canvas with new colors that affected my life. It was amazing how a first step could change my entire world.

“This purple flower, isn’t it called paper flower? It has the same name as our group.”

“You’re right.”

~ Paper Flower End ~

~ Wimecloud ~

A.N: Just a light story to make the day. It tells us how a small change is not entirely small, it can change our entire world just because we change our point of view. Sometimes, people failed to see how important it is to look at something with different point of view. Many people feel contented with their situation, without realizing how small their world is just like the main character. There are many things outside we never saw before, waiting for us to come there. What you need to do is to open the curtain in your room. I pray that all of you will also find the thing important to you, the treasure that is still hiding behind your window.

” How I try to forget “

Cutting the black long hair that you like

Erasing all the messages that you sent

Throwing all the things that you give

I stand in the midst of darkness alone

 

I was walking on a road of rocks and stone

Covered in dirt, in unfamiliar city

Gaze down at the unknown road

Not daring to look up at the sky

 

I muttered your name alone to myself

Cursing you along the way

Soaking in the cold rain

My body trembles greatly

 

I throw the stone in my hand

As far as I can to the green lake

As if it was all my feelings toward you

That I throw away with the stone

 

It’s hard to fall in love

It’s harder to be in love

And it’s even harder to end the love

But, the hardest thing is to forget the love that once existed

 

 

~ Wime ~

” On the other side of the lenses “

On the other side of the lenses, I was there

Watching your every movement

As I set up the best position for you

 

On the other side of the lenses, I was there

Turning on the shutter

As I caught your image that reflected in my field of vision

 

On the other side of the lenses, I was there

Counting the numbers

As I looked at your smile through the glass

 

On the other side of the lenses, I was there

Giving an ok signal

As I imprinted your image forever into my heart

 

~ Wime ~